guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
