i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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