You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
