In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
"it" just moved
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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