last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
