It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
