We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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