Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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