I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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