i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
