Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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