It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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