I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
