So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
