There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
