I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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