dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So vagazzling was a success
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
