There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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