So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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