I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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