marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
