Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She told me I should be a condom model.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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