when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I need to stop coming to work sober
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
