I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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