I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
