I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I am spending my child support on dildos
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
