I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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