i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
