How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
