Banned from zoo.
Again?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
