Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
