would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
