The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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