i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
