I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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