i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
