Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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