Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
