Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
