So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Someone shattered a urinal.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
