Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
