who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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