the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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