I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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