So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
