Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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