i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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