I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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