Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
