I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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