Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
