dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
