Plan B is the new Plan A
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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