Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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